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You’ve done it! The 9 months of being pregnant, carrying a baby and its placenta around 24/7, the middle of the night toilet trips, leg cramps and swollen ankles have come to an end. It’s finally time for your partner to get involved and share some of the load.
But then along comes breastfeeding…
Breastfeeding can be one of the most rewarding parts of being a new parent. You will want to bottle the memories: the milk drunk moments, when they reach out to grab your finger or hair as they latch on for a feed. But I’ll be honest, breastfeeding can be utterly relentless as well as physically and emotionally draining, especially in those early days.
Babies feed a lot in those first 6 weeks. And by a lot, I’m talking 8-12 times a day, sometimes even more. It can feel like you are forever pinned to the sofa with no time to think about anything other than whether there is time for a quick wee or even a blissful 5-minute shower before the next feed.
Enter…your partner!
Now I’ve worked with many, many couples antenatally and whenever breastfeeding is mentioned, the idea that it is important to introduce bottles early so the partner can bond with their baby and give mum a break is a common theme. But once you understand how breastfeeding actually works, you might decide to find other ways your partner can support you and your baby.
Did you know the first few weeks of breastfeeding are all about building up that milk supply? The more you feed, the more milk you will produce.
This is crucial for sustaining breastfeeding past the initial 6 weeks. Once you start switching those breastfeeds for bottle feeds, it is sending a message to your body that you don’t need to produce as much milk. After 6 weeks this is less of an issue as your supply is likely to be established. For some people, expressing is important or even necessary but that is a whole other blog post! For more information on expressing in the early days, have a look at Expressing & Storing Milk – La Leche League GB .
Actually, there are so many things your partner can do but I have selected my Top 5 Tips to get you started:
It can be a lonely business getting up in the night to feed your baby, so anything that can make it feel like a bit of a treat goes a long way! Before heading off to bed at night, get your partner to set up a little feeding nook, or nest (whatever you want to call it to make it feel a bit special) for you to sit in during those night (and daytime) feeds. A comfy chair with cushions to help prop up you or the baby is a given, but also think about a little side table covered with tasty treats for you to snack on, water (breastfeeding thirst is real so get the pint glasses out!), a fully charged kindle/ iPad/ small laptop to read or watch your favourite shows, muslins within easy reach and maybe a little handwritten note telling you how amazing you are wouldn’t go amiss either…
Once the feeding is done it is time to pass over to your partner so they can change their nappy and wind if needed. It is then time for you to crawl back into bed, or during the day stretch your legs and have a well-deserved wee in peace. This is valuable bonding time between your partner and baby. You may find they fall asleep after a good feed (your baby not your partner!) so baby snuggles on the sofa will help develop that gorgeous connection further.
Do not underestimate how lovely it is to be told you are doing a fab job when you are a new parent. It is natural and totally normal to over think every decision and question your judgement. But you are doing an incredible job at breastfeeding your baby and this should never be overlooked! Your partner should be shouting from the rooftops what a brilliant job you are doing and take note, this will do far more for your milk supply than saying ‘I’ll just give the baby a bottle to give you a break’.
Now, you will know all about oxytocin from giving birth. It is that happy hormone, which is essential for labour to happen. But did you know it is also central to breastmilk production? Oxytocin has a contraction like effect on the body. During labour it causes the contractions (or surges if you are a hypnobirthing mama!) and during breastfeeding oxytocin contracts the milk making cells. So guess what? Being relaxed and calm is as important during breastfeeding as it is during birth! Get your partner to lower the lights, play some relaxing music that you love, make sure you are warm enough with a cosy blanket round your shoulders, light those scented candles you have been saving and feed you some delicious chocolate!
This is one is so important it should probably be my number 1 tip, but I like to think I’ve saved the best until last. Once your baby arrives, it is understandable that everyone will want to meet them and that you will want to show them to the world – I mean you made an actual human so who can blame you?! But did you know that oxytocin is pretty shy and will hide away if it feels watched? Therefore, it is a good idea to have a plan in place for who you are and are not willing to entertain at your house in those early days and weeks.
When your baby is being passed around, those subtle feeding cues can be easily missed, which can have a knock-on effect on your milk supply. You may also want to decide on a sign for ‘I’ve had enough, please get these people out of the house so I can feed our baby in peace!’ which you can communicate with your partner so you don’t have to feel like the bad guy – a hand across the throat might be a bit obvious but a subtle eyebrow raise or wink could do the trick! And lastly, make sure your partner checks everyone’s bags and pockets before they cross the threshold – no food, no entry. Directions to the nearest Waitrose should sort out any confusion!
Being open and talking with your partner about how you are feeling about breastfeeding is so important. If you are finding it hard or having a difficult day, don’t suffer in silence. You may be the one with the boobs full of milk, but it is just as important that you are looked after so that you can continue to look after and nourish your baby.
Kelly is based in Folkestone
I’m Kelly, the founder of Birth Positively. I live in between Folkestone and Hythe on the Kent coast with my husband and three children. We are very lucky to have the most stunning views of the sea which can be enjoyed from my home studio where I teach many of my courses. As well as being a Primary School Teacher, I am also a Hypnobirthing and Mindful Breastfeeding Instructor and have worked with close to 100 couples over the last few years. I also run Pregnancy Relaxation classes and have hosted Pregnancy Wellness Events. I feel strongly that people should be able to make informed decisions about birth and breastfeeding and that knowledge is most definitely power!
